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I Want Candy (Or Do I)

I had some time yesterday to run errands, and I had to wait to refill a prescription.  So I walked around the store, to get some items for the house. I also did some “window shopping” at some makeup too. 

I used to work in retail, at a supermarket.  And you know the gum and candy bars and other paraphernalia at the register when you go to check out?  We called the “impulse purchases.” People usually don’t go into a supermarket just to buy gum, but when they see it, they don’t realize they even want it till just then.

Easter candy is out and about, and there was something by Russell Stover (ALWAYS to this day a sucker for their chocolate eggs) called a “Chocolate Brownie Egg” and a “Red Velvet Egg.”  I’m also a sucker for anything labeled “Brownie” or “red velvet.”

I stood in line and mused to myself…just two weeks ago, I’d have bought one, just to try it.  Meanwhile, as soon as my scrip was filled, I’d have to go  home to make dinner.  I was happy at that moment that I had the detox to fall back on, because I’d have bought it and ate it.  And most importantly, would NOT have been at all satisfied by it.

The detox might be painful in that I can’t indulge when I want to (which is probably what got me to this point anyway), but it does help keep things in perspective that I don’t need any of those impulse buys, as much as I’d like to think that I do.

Back to basics

So I’d fallen off the exercise wagon for a bit. Last year, I was still running, though not marathon training miles, and short distances. I was experiencing fluid in my ears so what was a few days off from running turned into a few month furlough. Then when I tried going again, 3 miles was even a huge time suck. For me, I just couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t that I wanted to be Flash fast. I just wanted to be fast for me.

So I got lazy and complacent. I’ll be the first to admit to it. And as I became lazier and more complacent, I didn’t want to move around anymore.

I had it a few months ago. My husband and I are “rebooting” our systems, and now I’m doing an exercise video by Jillian Michaels.

I don’t like gyms and think they’re a waste of money. It’s been way too cold to run out here in the northeast. I like spin studios and kickboxing gyms. But I have to travel to get there. So I’m doing a 20-minute shred video. I think it’s just what I need.

I’ve always found gyms to be a waste of time. I’d spend 1.5-2 hours there and feel like I did nothing. Jillian doesn’t allow “breaks” in her 20 Minute workout, which is good. Plus, once it’s done, IM done!

When Will I Feel Like Myself?

I used to pride myself on being active.  I did lots of activities, classes, even started running half marathons, and trained for the marathon last year, when it was cancelled unexpectedly.  Over the winter, I became complacent and stopped running.  I stopped being active altogether.  For me, it’s been tough to find an activity that I can find a passion for.  Running has not been it for me.  I liked the goal setting behind it.  Today, I can barely do a mile without losing interest.  Some days, I can feel good.  Others, not so much.

What else is out there?  I’ve never been in an activity rut like this before in my life.  When I was younger, I was a compulsive exerciser.  I would exercise at great lengths each day, just to give myself permission to eat.  If I couldn’t get out, I’d just not eat.  To say I had an unhealthy image of myself was an understatement.  It took me a long time to enjoy activity for the sake of it.  

I just wonder if I’m destined to be fat and out of shape.  I know there are all walks of life, but I guess maybe that’s supposed to what I am.

Why judge?

I was futzing around on Facebook while my husband was asleep, and some skinny bitch decides to judge heavy people in her Zumba class. “why do people take Zumba class when they’re heavy?” Really?

I got set off. First, I don’t really know this woman well, I think we were introduced by a mutual FB friend, and I’m not even sure I’m friends with that person anymore. Even if this was someone I care about, personally, I’d have been set off. (Then again, I like to think that my true friends wouldn’t judge)

I asked, “Why do you judge?” Another person commented, basically echoing sentiments of mine. She laughed it off like, oh I’m not judging, I just don’t think Zumba is the right activity for me. So why not say that?

It’s a Catch-22 when someone is overweight. If someone is out and about (or heaven forbid, at a place where there is FOOD PRESENT), people wonder why they’re not on a treadmill at a gym somewhere. But if they show up to my Zumba class, oh shock horror, we can’t have OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE DISTRACTING ME AT *MY* GYM.

At least people make an effort to be active. Who knows, this could be their first day at the gym after an injury or being diagnosed with an illness that put them on meds that made them gain weight. You just don’t know. And if people are anything like me, running is fucking boring and not everything I’d want to do in staying active, and Zumba may be their passion.

Shut the fuck up and quit the fat shaming. You want to help, applaud those people for getting up to the gym on their day off. They didn’t make an excuse.

Better Than Pissed On, I Suppose

It’s been awhile.

But I’m full-out on the training for the NYC Marathon.  Which started this week, officially.  But I’ve had a few setbacks before I started officially training.  Two months, I fell out of a van in Buffalo and sprained my ankle.  Prior to that, I had hurt my hip and took it easy running for a bit and even did more cross training to compensate. 

I figured that the heat/humidity would stand for something, but with training starting this week and the weather being the way it is, it’s absolutely KILLED ME.  It’s brutal out there.  BUH ROO TAL. 

But that’s not all.  Training isn’t training if I don’t at least find the humor in it or try to make it funny.  But here goes. 

So when you run long distances chances are you need to do two things: hydrate, and pee.  Because with all that hydrating you’re doing,  you’re going to need to pee, right?  I ran a race on Independence Day, and luckily I was able to go before the race.  Last year, when I did my first half marathon, I was amazed that, for a race for all women, there wasn’t a more orderly way to use the rest rooms.  In fact, I had to get creative, and wait till the gun went off, hit the head, then hit the starting line.

Since I was wearing a shoe tag, I just needed to cross the start, so it was all good.

Meanwhile, in real life, I am not one of those girls who constantly complains about needing to go to the bathroom.  “Oh I need to pee.”  Etc, etc.  I get it, people are different but I never believe in “breaking the seal” or anything like that.  In fact, it takes me awhile to even feel the urge. 

For long distance running though, it goes without saying that you’ll have to hit the bathroom at some point.  Luckily in my first two half marathons, I was able to be drained while I ran, so that I didn’t have the urge.  There was one time, however, that I went for a jog, just a five mile run, that my bladder started doing weird things.  It was then that I thought, for races and anything over five miles, I need to wear a sanitary napkin.

There’s no shame.

Then there’s today.  Since this is a relatively “light” week with running, I only planned on doing three miles.  But one problem.  Though I had “gone” a few minutes before leaving the house, by the time I made it to the street, I had the urge.  And not just a “Oh I can pee, but it can wait.”  It was more of a, “I should REALLY find a bathroom soon.”

So what does she do? She continues to the park.  Well, I figure that I could manage for three miles. 

Around mile two, I REALLY needed to go.  Of course, in Central Park, there aren’t many places to bail.  So I had to literally suck it up.  It’s then that I think of the virtues of catheterization.  So I’m heading towards the home stretch.  I’m about 2 3/4 miles in when…

My bladder gives me a signal.  Oh, now, it’s time to stop and walk. 

Sucks, because I was on a roll pretty much. 

Never before was I so pissed off at my bladder.  But I guess that it’s better at this point than being pissed ON. 

I guess the moral of the story is…GO.  Go to the bathroom when you have the chance.  I think it was Erma Bombeck who once said, if you have the opportunity to use a bathroom before you leave, USE IT.  Yup, that was me.  It cut into my time, my training and made me really mad.

But hey.  At least I made it home, and was able to use my bathroom.  No harm, no foul, I suppose.

Out of my way!

So tomorrow is my half marathon.  The big day is upon us.  I’m also less than 24 hours away from taking my first drink of alcohol since January.  And I don’t know how to feel about it. 

On one hand, there have been some days that I’ve been like “Fuck it! I need a drink.”  Then the others where I knew if I was allowing myself alcohol, I’d have been dead.  It also helps that I haven’t been going out as much since I’ve been starting my own business, I need to be on my game most days.  But I’ve given myself permission to have mimosas with brunch post race, and then some.  I hope my liver doesn’t hate me after that.

But I had a funny story with one of my last long runs.  I did my 10 mile run before my taper two weeks before the race.  A few things were a roadblock, like the fact for some reason my ass and lower back decided to really hurt for no good reason.  I went through the entire training feeling great.  Then that shit happened.  But I finished it under not so great circumstances.  The thing I was worried about was running a 10K through Central Park.  I hadn’t done the full CP loop since January. Plus I had run at a very slow pace for the 10 miles.  I felt MUCH better for the planned 10K.  I also needed to see if I could keep up with the time I had from January.

I was about 30 seconds slower.  The good news is that I felt GREAT.  Even the rest of the taper went great. 

Yet, I made myself laugh, like I sometimes do.  See, we’ve been very blessed with the great and unseasonable weather here in New York City.  It’s been awesome for my outdoor training.  I just can’t do it on the treadmill (I can’t run there either - AH, I kill me).  Given this great weather, there are many idiots, I mean, PEOPLE who don’t understand path running etiquette.  See, it’s pretty laid out for you at CP.  There are bike lanes, and there are running/walking lanes.  Deal with the Wrath of Fat Chick at your own peril.

One point of etiquette for many walkers/runners is to not run four in a row.  You know what it’s like - buddies who team up to do the run together and chat, making fat and slow people like me miserable because I have to pass them and run extra because of their selfishness.  But the professional runners (like the really skinny, tight and muscular people who clearly run sub-7 miles) really piss me off when they engage in that behavior.  They should know better and please stop.

But here’s the fat chick rant.  I was nearing mile five of my loop and I was feeling good.  It was so nice out, there were plenty of non-exercisers on the paths.  I didn’t mind because for the most part, they get it and give you rank.  But there was clearly a running club, WALKING the WRONG WAY up a hill, and chatting away.

It’s Sunday around 1 pm.  Don’t you people have a trendy brunch to get to?

The worst part?  They see the fat chick coming.  AND NONE OF THEM MOVE!!!  Are you for real??  And they look at *me* like I’m in the wrong.  Get out of my face with that business. 

Yet, I kept going because that’s what I do.  But as my friend once told me, he likes it that I run “angry.”  I don’t run angry necessarily — it’s just that people tend to piss me off when I run.  There’s a difference.  I become angry because of stupid people. 

DO NOT MESS WITH THE FAT LADY RUNNING.  I’m serious.  Just don’t!  I was a week away from going to brunch and having my mimosas when you skinny bitches are all done running for the day in probably half the time it takes me to do a loop and you see me coming and you don’t move and you’re getting your mimosas and I still can’t drink them and…

Then I realized it was pretty funny, so I told my husband about it later.  It was funny to have such first world problems, and how lucky I am that I have enough health and energy to finish a half marathon. 

And a mimosa.  Because goddammit, that’s what will be at the finish line for me.

Conversational Pace

Who the hell wants to talk while they run?  Not me.  I felt bad a few weeks ago, I was a little over half way done with my 5 mile loop at Central Park.  A gentleman was running the big Harlem Hills loop (which is about a mile) and then some, he passed me a few times.  He gave me a thumbs up, which I guess is shorthand for “good to see a fat slow chick running around here.”  Didn’t pay him any mind till I was about to finish up the fiver. 

As I was coming along the home stretch, grooving to the music on the iPod, he asked me how far I was running.  I held up a hand - my shorthand for “Five miles stop talking to me as I’m running!”

Look, I’m not a rude person.  I believe everyone deserves respect and dignity when spoken to.  But when someone is running, perhaps not asking them to waste breath while they are expending energy is respectful enough.

That said, I know that the rule of thumb is that you should be able to run at a “conversational pace.”  Oh that’s a bunch of horse crap!  The top finishers of the NYC Marathon who run neck-and-neck, you don’t see them trading recipe tips.  I get into a zone when I run and the last thing I need is for someone to ask me about my crock pot. 

I don’t mean to be rude, but I do run angry.  So please, don’t bother the fat chick while she runs.  Thanks.

Food News

Chipotle is a great and ethical way to fit “fast food” into your eating plan, if you can call it “fast food.”  And if you have any dietary restrictions, they can accomodate that — if you are gluten-free, you can get corn tortillas, salads or rice bowls.  If you are dairy-free, opt for no cheese.  If you are a vegetarian, you are not obligated to get meat.

During my annual detox, I eat at Chipotle at least once a week.  If I get a plain grilled chicken salad with salsa, black beans and a side of guacamole, it’s completely detox friendly.  Sometimes I’d like rice though, but they only had the cilantro-lime rice in white rice, which is a detox no-no. 

I was excited two years ago when they introduced soft corn tortillas (I love the crunchy ones but they fall apart), because they are gluten-free.  Now there is cilantro-lime BROWN rice!!  So excited.  I needed some extra carbs today, and this did the trick. 

Bad Idea

I’ve just had a weird fuckin’ day.

It actually started yesterday.  I had done yoga earlier in the day.  I wanted to give my body a rest since I had done a combination of running/spinning for the four days prior. 

My friend called me because she had to go to the ER, so I was on the phone with her.  I felt tired, so I laid down in bed.  I guess I was tired, since I slept for two hours.  Hard.  You know how you take a nap sometimes and you wake up groggier than when you laid down?  This was that type of nap.  I needed a nap from that nap.

But I didn’t go back to bed.  I stayed up, because I screwed up my sleep pattern.  I still felt groggy when I went to bed for the night, and slept hard again.  But when I got up this morning, I still felt not so great.  I didn’t feel sick, I just felt fatigued.  But I knew I had to run today because I have a race on Saturday.  I did 5 miles on Sunday, and today was a 4 mile run (it’s a 10K on Saturday).

I felt like crap the entire run.  It was a combo of the running/spinning (my legs especially felt fatigued), the nap from yesterday (I had an awareness in my eyes, not exactly a headache but it’s something I get when I sleep too much), and I think the detox.

I’m not eating simple carbs, and I use them for energy especially when I run.  While my splits weren’t drastic, I felt no spark at the end of my run like I normally do.

My bad idea here is this 10K on Saturday.  I have no idea how I can carb up and give myself energy before the race and not starve myself of oxygen and energy.  But now I have the shakes and it’s fatigue city.  I also had a bad time running.  All in all, a crappy day.

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